Grateful Failure.

It was only recently I realized just how grateful I am for every missed opportunity in comedy. Every audition I have blown, every contest I have lost, every bomb, every awkward moment on stage, and every joke I know works gets nothing. I would not be the comedian I am today without these scars, bruises, and falls. The key that I always get back up, stronger.

“Best way to get over a bad set is another set” Jackie Kashian.

I learn more from the things I have lost or missed than I ever learned from things that were just given to me. I love this about comedy and at the same time I resent it. It wasn’t until recently that I really began to embrace this. I had figured it out with the process of joke writing but for some reason I felt that my career would work differently. The harsh reality is that it doesn’t.

Comedy like so many other things is about perspective. So the good set cannot exist without the bad set. If it were all good then there would be no way to appreciate it. We cannot live on an all candy diet. We need some regular food and a little candy to truly appreciate the sweet we need the savory. The bad set exists because the good set exists. They are two sides of the same coin. You cannot have one without the other. We cannot know what is good without the bad. 

From my observation of people who get things quickly is they still get those same lessons, they just often get them on a bigger scale or with bigger consequences. More is on the line. I learned them when it didn’t matter, and I am so grateful for this. For me those things were not opportunities, because I was not ready for them yet. It’s not truly an opportunity until the event lines up with your skill. For example the first time I hosted a show was at a real club, so of course I was not good at it and not asked back. I thought this was me blowing my one shot, but I got better after that. I worked harder and paid attention to the hosts that I saw. For me it took falling on my face trying to host to make me get better. And it always does.

I have shifted so far that I feel bad for those who get things quickly and easily. They do not get the powerful lessons on the small scale, they get them on the big scale. I think about youtube star to comedian Bo Burnham having a panic attack at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Before I heard about this my thoughts of him were of jealousy. That he just skipped this whole slogging away at open mics and went straight to doing comedy clubs, then quickly to selling out theaters. I did not consider the chops I have gained by working through this over time. That if I were to have been thrown right into doing large rooms then theaters like that, I don’t know if I would have the tools to handle it. But I had panic attacks when it didn’t matter and I was basically performing for dozens rather than thousands. My failure was totally missed and small. Nobody knew I failed because there was nothing on the line. I just bailed on a show or blanked and didn’t get any laughs.  

I learned to accept when things don’t work out the way I wanted them to for a reason. I needed the lesson more than I needed the win. But for me several missed opportunities were actually just for my own good and sanity. For example, I auditioned for a booker of a chain of comedy clubs and I blew the audition. It was a combination of events out of my control, but I am so glad I didn’t do well. I didn’t really want to go down that path. I am so grateful that I didn’t get it. Because what it did do is make me take my comedy more seriously. I did more spots, wrote more and practiced my jokes more so that it wouldn’t happen again. I thought it was a dream gig, but I found out later from someone who got it that it was an awful experience. Yeah it was really hard at the moment when I forgot to set up a joke that had a call back, then I started my closer too soon, ending in me going totally blank on stage. The money was good, but it’s not the comedy I want to be doing. Nothing is worse selling your soul for the money.

All my missed opportunities have led me to actions I know are right for me. My weekly showcase was a glimmer of an idea, it didn’t really become a reality until I was knocked out in the first round of a local comedy contest. Nothing lights a fire under me like a loss. I don’t like losing, I don’t like being the worst one in the room. A loss will always ignite me more than a win.

I think about everything else in my life. I have always been the one to create my own opportunities. I am the creative director at a clothing brand. I did not go to school formally for this. I just enjoyed doing it on the side and got good and started my own company. It bothers me how it took me so long to realize this is my path in comedy too. I wish someone had told me nobody is going to give you anything until after you create it yourself. You will get booked on more shows after you have a successful show not before. People want to follow the sure thing. From what I hear this goes all the way to the top. Agents are only interested in you after you are successful. I look at this with excitement because I am learning it now when it doesn’t matter. This is exactly where I thrive, I love creating things from nothing and I do it well. I spent so much time trying to be something I am not, I carve my own path. I belong in the woods wandering about figuring it out as I go. I don’t walk on the road, I never have. I’m so grateful all those other things haven’t worked out. I am so grateful that I was not relying on standup for my livelihood yet when we went into quarantine. It was going really well, but it was not my main source of income, so the adjustment was much less for me.

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Thank you for reading, You’re doing great. 

Bjorn RG.