I have stopped drinking cold turkey 3 times in my life. It creeps back in and I get another reminder that it's really not something that I should be doing. I had a moment when it started to feel like booze was the medicine that allowed me to let go in ways on stage that I always wanted. But very quickly this turned into trying to hit a certain target of drunk that was as elusive as a squirrel. Like I could see it but often I would never get within a distance to touch it. When I first started comedy I couldn’t perform if I even had one drink. Like it would make me feel stupid and I couldn’t think of my jokes, so I always had a drink after my set, never before.

“Alcohol erases a bit of you every time you drink it” ~Annie Grace

The first time I stopped drinking was when I quit my day job and started working full time for my company (Bear Skn) January of 2015. This came from two things I knew, one that every time I had a day off I would go out and go crazy and two I couldn’t remember the last time I didn’t go a day without drinking. I had this strong motivation that I wanted my business to succeed. I had this thought about how I would meet people out at the bars all the time and have these great connections but never remembered or followed up. I thought I would stay clear headed and remember all these. I quickly realized that these were alcohol fueled business dreams that were not great connections. I would meet people and they would get excited and talk, but the talk was in circles and not anything of substance. I thought I would still go out the same frequency as before and I did. But it was different. I lost a lot of great friends. They didn’t like me hanging out not drinking with them. I was the mirror at the bar reflecting their behavior that nobody wanted to look at. The conversations would go in circles and people tell the same stories or dreams over and over without realizing it. I quickly stopped going out. It wasn’t because of the temptation to drink, I would just get bored after an hour or two. I needed more. I needed there to be an activity beyond just drinking to hang out. I moved and lived in Las Vegas and stayed sober the entire time. I was very diligent. My approach was whenever I wanted a drink I just thought about my worst hangover and I would stay strong for morning Bjorn. I would also think about how much money I was saving. When I did go out I would only have one or two drinks maximum. I mean there are only so many cokes, mixers only, or non alcoholic beers I can drink before I’m over it. This was in the time of O’Douls only options for non alcoholic beers. I lasted until sometime in 2018.

Alcohol got its sticky fingers on my brain when I hosted a weekly late-night open mic. Both me and my co-host got $20 we could spend at the bar for a part of our compensation. Dueling Beardos was incredibly fun. I found out quickly that I could host really well with a drink or two and most nights we would end up “smashed on daiqs” (daiquiris). The bar made amazing and very strong drinks that did not cost a lot. I was good about not driving too much after. But there was one night I was booked on 3 separate shows in the same night, I got 2 free drinks at each and I bought one. I was driving home and I almost hit a pedestrian. I then couldn’t walk up the stairs to my apartment without falling, and kept dropping my keys, only to sleep outside my apartment’s front door. I woke up the next day like how was I so drunk? I only had 3 drinks? Wait, I only had 3 drinks at 3 venues over the course of only a few hours. You had 9 drinks! This was a wake up call that I needed to make some changes. I am so grateful that I did not get hurt nor anyone else. I am not a man of moderation, I knew I had to stop. Thankfully I knew how to do it and felt strongly that I could.

The second time I stopped drinking was a new year's resolution in 2020. I had that last drink at midnight of 2019. I stayed strong and made it happen. I was producing 3 weekly shows and starting a podcast. I went to my first comedy festival in January of 2020. Things were not going well, I was struggling this time a lot more, but I stayed strong and didn’t drink. I was tested a lot in those first few months. Then the world shut down. We were stuck at home, I made the best of it and began recording zoom conversations turning them into all the podcasts I had always dreamed of. Then it happened by accident. I had what I thought was a regular kombucha while I was on one of these podcasts. And it was the best podcast I had ever recorded. Noticed it halfway through the show, but I was having so much fun! I was fully uninhibited in the way I wanted to be. I was able to riff and flow in this way I had only dreamed of. My big reason to stop was that I was worried about my drinking and driving. We were stuck at home, I wasn’t driving anywhere. I went through a break up. And I wanted the pain of that to stop so I just said who cares! I want to enjoy my life, I’m going to drink!

Here is a photo of drinking becoming a big part of podcasting.

It started as I only had drinks while I was on podcasts. But I was recording podcasts every day, so I was drinking every day again. We got back started doing shows again and I was really enjoying having a drink or two with a show. I just felt like I was able to be present and loose in a way that I had never been before my jokes flowed. A drink took the stage fright away, but I started to dip more and more. I would have my first drink of the day earlier and earlier. I work for myself and we had the podcast studio in a room in my office. We had a collection of booze and a fridge kept stocked with beer and mixers at all times. I am the boss, I can do whatever I want. This slowly turned into putting baileys into my coffee in the morning or a beer with lunch. It doesn’t happen quickly. Its death by 1000 cuts. This drug creeps in slowly over time. It starts to tell you things. Justify things. What started off as medicine to get me relaxed to perform, had become a routine. But this time I didn’t want to stop. I loved how it made me feel. I loved how I wasn’t afraid to embarrass myself. I was finally free on stage. I didn’t care what people thought, I would just be pure presence. I figured I would rather enjoy my life and drinking made everything better. It was the sriracha to my life. I put it on everything. Work was easier, comedy was better, karaoke was more fun, it was everything I ever wanted. Little did I know this was a house of cards that a phone call and a diagnosis would destroy.

The third time I stopped drinking was for my health. My last drink was June 20th of 2023. There were two major factors that led me to this decision. First, my younger cousin died of acute liver failure. She had been told over and over she had to stop drinking but was not able to and it ultimately led to her untimely death. She was 32. I had a bit of a crisis watching everyone drinking after the wake. It felt wildly inappropriate. It was like we are all doing the thing she couldn’t stop doing right now!? I wasn’t ready to stop then, so my second and more important reason to quit the sauce was I was diagnosed with advanced Gout. It was getting really bad, I could barely walk, and my drinking was the major factor of it. Without getting too much into it, gout is when your body can’t break down uric acid so it stores it in your joints, often the big toe. When I have a flair up it feels like there is broken glass in the joints of my toes, making walking and life in general pretty painful. Alcohol makes your body unable to break the uric acid down at all so it supercharges gout. Also the medicine I now take doesn’t mix well with it. This was the hardest time. I wasn’t ready to stop, I didn’t want to stop. Even though I had an extreme pain indicator that affected every aspect of my life, I still didn’t want to stop. This addiction is like a stubborn child. I had some familiarity with the program. But at its core I didn’t like giving up control. I want to feel in control of my life. I stopped but I was not happy about it. I complained and journaled insensately. This isn’t fair! I need it for comedy! It's my favorite thing! Drinking is my heaven on earth!

I knew I had to stop and I knew I needed to let go of the lies around it. I needed to find a way on the other side of it. The two things that helped me most were switching to kava drinks. I found a kava powder that really helped me relax and forget about drinking booze. I even believe that it is better for pre show nerves than booze ever was. I also could operate a vehicle after I had one. I didn’t feel like I needed more and more, I was just one and I’m good! I liked the powder because I could just keep them in my car or my bag and all I needed was cold water when I needed it. I can also fly with it!

The second game changer was a book. I will warn you only to read this book if you want to stop drinking forever. The book is: This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life By Annie Grace. My big takeaways from this are that most of alcohol is all marketing and social programming. I think of myself as a smart guy who doesn’t fall for stuff. It starts with us all being tricked into thinking we need it to have a good time and have to reprogram our thoughts around it. I have proven over and over that I don’t need it to have a good time. The biggest difference is the good time has an end point, I will get to a point and that's when I go home.

I am still staying strong and I don’t know if I will ever go back. I have been able to do everything I want to without it. I try to focus on all the examples of times I was able to have a good time without it. All the times I was able to perform on stage without fear, sober. I do tend to leave the bar earlier because I am more excited to go to sleep and get closer to my morning cup of coffee. I have gotten my mornings back. I really have become someone who enjoys a cup of coffee and taking my dogs for a morning walk. That over drunken late nights. I also have a lot more energy during the day. I can always drive home, yet I feel more driven. I remember my jokes and I am better on podcasts without it. It’s fun to prioritize other things than drinking. I feel more in control, I like control especially when it’s of my life. The good is better sober, the bad is better sober, the Bjorn is better sober.

If you enjoyed this, share it with someone you believe needs to hear it and consider subscribing to my newsletter. You are doing great!

~Bjorn RG~

Sober Bjorn