Comparison

Comparing myself to others is a slippery slope. I think it can be healthy to push myself to be as good as the ones around me. But I also work hard to focus on myself and my own growth. I know that comparing myself to others is bad for me once it begins to discourage me. If the people around me are pushing me, then this is healthy, but if it's making me want to give up it no longer serves me. So I find that my main focus is on just being better than I was yesterday. Being better than the last time. I think it's good to develop a habit of always trying to outdo your old self. This way when I get to the top of my peers, then I can continue to transcend myself. It is important to look for places that I grew. I work on this habit of focusing on what I did better this time than I did last time.

“Stay in your lane. Comparison kills creativity and joy.” ~Brene Brown 

The way I shifted away from comparison in standup comedy happened when I was learning to bowl. Several years ago I joined a bowling league. I had not really bowled much before then, just a birthday party from time to time, but that was about it for me. I was the worst player on the team. This did not sit well with me as I can get very competitive. I also see a huge dip in performance and focus when my frustration goes up. This was happening every league night for me. So I began to practice on my own and read books about bowling. Yeah, I am a total nerd, I just love to learn everything I can about whatever I am doing. As a kid if I wanted to learn about something I would head to the library and read a book about it. I began my journey into cultivating a growth mindset. I had issues even when I practiced that I was comparing myself to others in the bowling alley and getting frustrated just when I was practicing. I later came to find out that several of those guys who were at the bowling alley early in the morning with me were literally current or retired professional bowlers. I was only a month into bowling and I am comparing myself to some top players. Comparison often doesn’t follow logic or reason or do any homework to decide who to compare to. As I type this I see how crazy it was but it was true. A big takeaway from the books I learned was to just focus on growth. Focus on each shot being a little better than the last. So after each shot I would sit and write down in my little notebook where I improved. My theory was to cultivate a practice in listing the things I improved that would be my default. After doing this I switched to doing a post game list of 10 things I improved on. I spent time on this because I knew that it was something I needed to work on, I didn’t care about the specific bowling skill. Ok I didn’t want to be the worst one on the team, but I did want to find a way to practice getting less emotional and losing focus under pressure to help my standup comedy.

An inherent flaw of comparison is I often do not know the whole story. Like when I was practicing early in the morning I didn’t know the guy’s in the lanes next to me. I didn’t know that they were professionals. So I am setting myself up for disappointment. I am someone who sees the good in people around me. I like to live in a world where people are good, so I tend to see people for their strengths. The other side of this coin is I am putting this person up above me. I make a list of all the things they are great at, then I compare that to my list of flaws. This is a lose-lose for me. I am comparing someone’s highlight reel to my inner crash reel. Why do I do this? I don’t know, maybe it worked for me at some point. But I know that now it no longer serves me. So I am actively working against it. 

I have found the best way for me to counter this thinking is to practice a growth mindset. The technique that works for me is to make a list of things I improved on immediately after a performance. This forces me to address the areas I am growing, rather than the areas that are not. I also tend to enjoy myself more. My theory on this is that our minds like to be on autopilot, so the more we do something the more my mind does it almost subconsciously. So eventually as I am playing my mind is actively looking for growth points. Rather than looking for a list of compressions where I am falling short. If I am practicing looking for negatives, my subconscious looks for negatives and places I am falling short. It's not easy to do but I am practicing what I want my subconscious to do.  

I was reading about elite athletes who get to a point where they are the best in their field. That they first must become better than those around and then once they are the best they must become better than themselves. If we are using those around us to push forward, what happens when I am the best? How do I continue to innovate and push the level of what I am doing? I believe that by cultivating a habit of always striving to be better than I was yesterday, last week, last year. I can continue to grow and get better even after I reach that highest level. I can push standup. I think about how Michael Jordan lost motivation when he broke all the records, there was nobody better, how does one continue to be the best? I believe that with a habit of continuing to beat yourself I am happier and able to reach new heights.

I am not perfect. I still fall prey to comparing to others. But I work to change it. I am better at comparing only to my past self than I ever have been before, and that is all I can ask for, growth and getting better than I was yesterday.

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Thank you for reading, You’re doing great.

Bjorn RG.