Why I’m Back.
I started the “I Am Funny” blog during the pandemic as a project I always wanted to do but never had the time for. The universe gave me the time and by the end it became like writing fanfiction for a thing I used to do and began to think I may never do again. But here I am back at it, years later. I realized that for me writing, like standup, is something I have to do. I need something, I need that unwinnable game, that constant struggle at something. My ADHD brain needs something to chew on or I’ll go crazy. I do go crazy anyway but doing, writing, and producing comedy helps!
“Regardless of WHAT we do in our lives, our WHY—our driving purpose, cause or belief—never changes.” Simon Sinek
Standup comedy came to replace skateboarding and snowskating for me in 2012. I had gotten to a level with these things that was becoming dangerous and I needed my body for things outside of my hobbies like working and making money. I still needed to get that rush, that exhilaration on a regular basis. When throwing myself down stairs or charging the deep end of a drained pool wasn’t really an option, I found standup comedy. I was like “public speaking is like jumping out of an airplane for me, I’ll do that.” Little did I know that it would bring me to places mentally and physically I never could have imagined. I have performed in all sorts of places I would never go and learned so much about myself. The biggest thing for me was that standup comedy made me take a long hard look at myself and just come out. Part of the destructive self-harm aspects of skateboarding made more sense too. I would skate until I couldn’t because I thought that I deserved it. Don’t worry, standup made me better! I’m so much better now! This is a comedy article not a sad article!
What is holding me back with these articles? Am I just avoiding that first one? Maybe that 's because it’s not a good idea? Or maybe this is resistance being clever. I have written several of the other ones and its something I need to do, so I am going to do it! Here it is!
I have been wanting to come back to writing articles for a while now, yet I have not done it. My excuse is that I do not love this comeback article. I have attempted to write this now several times yet I hate it. I think it's dumb and uninspiring. I feel like the comeback one should be inspiring like a Rocky montage. But every time I put fingers to keys, I just loathe what flows out of them. Another excuse is that I like to use a different keyboard or I just don’t feel inspired. I need more coffee, then I put it off till other obligations become more pressing and I have now wasted all the time I had allotted to writing this first article. I also have written several other articles instead because I felt inspired by those, yet I don’t put anything out because I am afraid. That’s the bottom line. I am afraid nobody will read it yet I am also afraid of those internet trolls and internet critics that their contribution to the conversation is just purely to tear down my work. It does make it harder to put things out. Since my last series of articles I have painstakingly put out lots of standup clips and podcast content. It has had more mean comments than nice ones. Those are my insecurities and excuses.
It is so interesting getting those out of me. When I look at them I think, what would I say to a friend who said those things?
I am going to tackle each one. First being that I have to put out an “Why I’m back” article. Like I have a following at all. As if I have this legion of fans just waiting for the next Bjorn RG self-help/comedy article. This is mostly for me. It is a practice of putting my work out there and just committing to something outside of myself. I am doing this to get better at writing and just build a body of work that I am proud of. I know that for me I just have to put in reps. The best way for me to put in reps is to commit to something with the highest frequency I feel I can sustain. Which is often weekly or daily. If one person reads this I have succeeded. If more do then that’s great. If thousands do I know that the hate and criticism will rain on me like a spring day in Portland Oregon, which is awesome.
That leads nicely to my next excuse that the critics will come and criticize my work. On the surface this appears to be a bad thing, and my brain wants it to be but in reality, it’s great! That means people are reading it! It means that someone outside of my immediate safe circle feels the need to consume it and tear it apart. I have to constantly remind myself that the criticism usually comes from a place of insecurity, that they are not able to produce and put themselves out there. It is a lot easier to criticize something or someone who puts themselves out there. I had to learn this when I was in middle school. I had to ditch my favorite gray sweatpants and animal tee shirts for baggy jeans and skate tees just to stop the local critics from beating me up and teasing me. Though now animal tees are totally cool. There are whole Instagram and TikTok accounts devoted to gray sweatpants and athleisure has become the market leader in the clothing segment. If I had stuck with it, maybe I would be a billionaire owner of Bjornlemon.
The last piece is something I say to friends all the time and I have to constantly remind myself. 90% of the time motivation comes 5 minutes after I start, so just start. I spend so much time analyzing and unpacking why I’m not in the right mood or how to get motivated to start, when it really just comes down to starting. Just putting pen to paper or hands to keys or even sometimes just going for a walk and voice to text. It doesn’t matter how I start, it's just about the fact that I start.
I know things are easier if I have a strong reason why I do them. It gives me a drive and gets me to do the work when I don’t want to. I need to feel like I am serving something greater than myself. I hope that these articles can help someone. I selfishly want to write the articles I wish I had to read when I started. I am writing these to my past self. So Hey Bjorn, 2023 Bjorn here, you're gay and super funny now, success is relative and it’s the journey, it’s always about the journey. All you have right now, is now, so find ways to enjoy that. Practice gratitude and trust yourself.
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Thank you for reading, you’re doing great.
Bjorn RG.