I have been going through this experience over and over recently. I create something, I miss slightly and create something else. I have this expectation in my mind, and if I don’t do the thing exactly then it feels like a failure. I think that it’s my perfectionism. It is always better than what was in my mind, yet I struggle to accept it. Logic would tell me that it's better! move on! I am left with this lingering feeling of failure. Because my first idea was not the finished idea, I am a failure and I feel embarrassed.

“Whatever Happens is the show” ~Pete Holmes~

Most of my ideas, I make an attempt to take them from my brain to reality then find this point between the idea and the execution. Oftentimes it's better because it’s got some humanity in it. I really struggle to come to terms with that being the better idea and I seek validation for it.

I had an idea for a logo for a podcast I was working on. I doodled it once, then again and again. I sat with it and drew it over and over. My plan was to digitize it. I drew it in a notebook, took a photo of it on my couch, brought that into illustrator and digitally traced it. This left a cool pattern around it as well as the notebook shape. I did not plan any of this, but I loved how it turned out. All of a sudden I had this other part of my brain come in and say no that’s not your original vision, therefore it cannot be good. But when I show it to friends they don’t know what was in my head, so they love it.

I’ve gone to several weddings recently so I see it when something isn’t perfect or to plan. The guests have no idea what it was supposed to be, they only know what it is. The only ones who notice that the flowers are the wrong color are the ones who planned it. And what is the purpose of the flowers? To waste money on something temporary that looks pretty. You accomplished the goal, you wasted money, it doesn’t matter what color the flowers were in the end. My mantra has become whatever happens is the show. I have to remind myself of this over and over. It was the guiding principle to my recent wedding planning, whatever happens is the wedding. And it was really helpful. We said it over and over the whole planning process. In the end I felt like it really helped us be present and enjoy the experience more.

I need to separate my ideas from what the finished product is. Get excited and embrace what it became. It is a daily practice for me. I am not the best at executing ideas perfectly as I am human and always will be the guy who finds something new in my attempt.

Take my impressions. I am not good at them, but I will find something else in the attempt. My attempt is funny. It’s so ironic sometimes that our brains forget the purpose of comedy is to be funny and make people laugh. It’s like getting nervous or a set that everyone will laugh at me, that’s the damn goal! I hope so. That’s honestly the best case scenario.

This happens with my jokes. I will have an idea, then I will execute that idea, forget parts, stumble, etc. then that stumbling is funny. This is my sense of humor and style of comedy. The goal is not to execute ideas perfectly, it's to create comedy.

Alcohol helped me a lot by letting this go. Now that I’m not drinking, I hold on to the perfect execution of ideas more. Ironically when I execute it flawlessly it’s not as good as me stumbling through it.

It’s all about expectations and creating the right expectations going into the thing. It’s why “whatever happens is the show” creates the perfect expectations for me. It helps remind me to enjoy the journey too. Rather than beating myself up about what things I messed up on, I can just enjoy the ride of what happened with everyone.

This came from somewhere, I developed this to get good at things quickly. When I get very upset about things not executed properly it drives me to do the work to get better. This worked for me in sports and photography so I cannot entirely let go of it. I need a little of it to get off the couch and get better at things. I would prefer to relax into things more. At a certain point I cannot execute those practiced skills when I am in this state of expecting perfection from myself all the time.

Allow the piece to become what it wants to become. Practice separating my expectations from the piece. Take action and allow it to become what it wants to become. Let the art speak for itself. My lesson is having the flexibility to accept the art that is created from my effort. Make plans, take action, and embrace what happens with love.

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~Bjorn RG~

Perfected the Unexpected.